Can i not drive my cunt home
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
