Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Boobs are out for the taking
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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