She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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