so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize