This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
