PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
