I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize