i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
