He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
