I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's shark week go big or go home
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
