Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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