i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
