Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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