Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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