Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
