Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
