I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
