Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
