I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
