3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
