Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
