I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
