I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
