I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
