He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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