Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
