we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How naked do you want me to be?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
