i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize