Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
