You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They took my balls.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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