Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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