I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize