We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
