I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
