One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
