that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
