Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
