I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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