your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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