Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
