i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
third nipple confirmed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
