Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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