her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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