Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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