there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
