At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
