I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
