I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
