Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
