I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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