What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
