On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The ass gains better be worth it
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