I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
