I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Soap is not a condiment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
