I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
