The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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