I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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