he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
