I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
