It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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