if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
