Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
