I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
