So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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