Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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