You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
