It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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