I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
