Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
