hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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