dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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