There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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