i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
